The Administrative Side of Modern Dating

In theory, dating is all about connection, chemistry, vulnerability, and finding someone you enjoy spending 8 hours on the couch with watching Love Island.

In reality, it’s project management, calendar syncing, and an endless loop of trying to decode texts and look for clues that they even like you as if we’re planning to steal the Declaration of Independence with Nicolas Cage.

When are you free?
How long should I wait before texting back?
Why did they leave me on read for 4 hours?
Am I playing “the game” or have I aged out of it entirely?
What does “lol for sure” even mean? It wasn’t even a yes or no question…

Long story short, it’s a full-time job with no onboarding and unclear performance metrics. Get me OUTTA HERE!

The thing is — I love the idea of dating. I love yearning, stories, possibilities, and all the little moments that make everything feel cinematic. I just love love!

Now. What I don’t love is when someone comes along and suddenly disrupts the very carefully maintained rhythm of my life. Like yes, I was emotionally booked and busy, and now I have to factor in you too? Groan!

In all honesty, I think romance has become a bit of a lost art — or at least an underfunded department. We live in a world where chemistry is praised but curiosity gets lost in translation. Everyone is chasing fireworks, but no one remembers how to light the fuse.

Especially in the era of dating apps, social media, and the collective “fear of commitment” epidemic the youths are currently enduring, it feels harder than ever to actually slow down and figure out what (or who) is real. If there are millions of people one click away, how are we supposed to find “the one”?

Or even just “someone-we-can-tolerate-going-on-a-date-with-more-than-once”?

Where did the romance go?

I wish I had the answer. Honestly, most days I can barely bring myself to participate in the experiment at all.

But I don’t actually want to give up on it either.

Maybe romance isn’t dead. Maybe it’s just very busy, slightly disorganized, and currently rescheduling itself to next Wednesday. Hopefully it shows up soon with better communication skills and fewer ambiguous texts.

Anyways, I have a crush…

Well. This is awkward.

I wrote this post about a month ago.

At the time, I was feeling particularly philosophical about the state of modern romance. I had thoughts. I had theories. I had apparently decided that romance is a dying art, dating was essentially project management, and that I would personally prefer to observe the whole thing from a safe distance.

And honestly?

I still stand by a lot of it. HOWEVER.

I would like to formally acknowledge that since writing this, I have developed a crush.

Yes. Me.

The woman who just wrote an entire essay about how dating is exhausting now has a little crush…

I would like everyone to remain calm.

In My Defense...

I didn't go looking for this.

I wasn't swiping through dating apps. I wasn't trying to meet anyone. I wasn't sitting around thinking, You know what would really improve my life right now? An emotional complication.

Quite the opposite, actually.

I was minding my business. And then, unfortunately, someone became interesting. And then they became really interesting.

And now I'm sitting here laughing at myself because apparently all it took to completely derail my carefully maintained "emotionally booked and busy" lifestyle was a little chemistry, some flirting, and a few moments that made me think, Oh no. I like this person.

Which brings me to my favorite part:

I literally wrote this post about a month before this happened.

I basically published a formal dissertation on why romance is dead and then immediately became a case study for the opposing argument.

The universe has a sense of humor.

So... Was I Wrong?

Not necessarily.

I still think dating can feel like an unpaid administrative position. I still don't understand the rules surrounding texting. I still think modern dating has somehow made people simultaneously more connected and more emotionally unavailable.

But I think I forgot something while writing this.

Romance doesn't always scream from the mountain tops like you see in cheesy movies.

Sometimes it's not grand gestures or candlelit dinners or some sweeping cinematic moment. Sometimes it's just someone noticing that you've had a shitty day and doing something thoughtful about it.

Sometimes it's staying up too late talking when you absolutely should be sleeping.

Sometimes it's laughing at something stupid and realizing you're having way more fun than you expected to.

And sometimes it's realizing, somewhat horrifyingly, that you've gone from "eh, he's cute" to "oh my god, I have a crush."

So perhaps my conclusion needs a slight revision.

Maybe romance isn't dead.

Maybe I was just temporarily unemployed in the romance department. And apparently, I've recently been hired… we shall see I suppose!

xx,

Meg